It’s impossible to believe it has been a year since my sweet mama passed into Spirit. I had no idea last December what to expect in the days, months, and longest year that followed, and I’m not sure I have any greater sense of things now. I tried to write, both during her illness and in the months that followed because I wanted to be able to see what the world looked like then, and remember our journey to now. I think that was a good way to keep track of emotions and memories.
Category Archives: Grief & Loss
Giving Thanks
In this ‘season of firsts’ we will be marking Thanksgiving tomorrow for the first time without Mom. Last year at this time was such a blur of hope, despair, exhaustion, faith, and fear…I don’t remember much about Thanksgiving day.
One Year On
Dear Mom,
I know it has been awhile since I’ve written, and I hope you will forgive me. I’ve spent a whole lot of time these past several months focusing inward to try to find my way forward. It has been a difficult, but rewarding journey, and I feel better able to face the Very Hard Days that are on our doorstep.
Mother’s Day 2023
It’s Mother’s Day weekend, and I’m sitting here this morning surrounded by Things to Hold You Close. We used essential oil and music during our last weeks together, and this is the first time I’ve brought those out to transport me back to those last days with you. It is comforting to find memories of you in the scent and sounds of peace and love, but at the same time there is a brutality to it.
Easter Saturday
My mom loved Easter. It was always a time to gather family and celebrate the new life of spring in the Dakotas. We usually had an egg hunt before she needed to go sing at church, and the granddaughters usually managed to talk her into giving them their Easter baskets early as well.
To Grief
I write this note to say
I wish I had known how large
You would loom in my days
As I settled into contentedness
A Note to Say Hello
Just popping in to say hi, Mom. I have conversations with you in my head all the time, so I wanted to let you know how things are going.
Tuning Out the Noise
I have spent a lot of time in the past few weeks pondering the simple statement, “Grief changes you.” There is so much about the grief experience that is universal, but it is also so deeply personal in the ways it manifests in each of us.
Self Care or a Lack Thereof**
I really admire people who have figured out the self care battle. They seem to cruise through whatever life throws at them, getting their workouts in, eating healthy, hydrating, meditating, finding time for themselves and ways to slow down…and I would like to make it very clear that I am not one of those people.
Blessed Are Those Who Mourn…
am having a hard day. I know that grief is not linear, and I know that it manifests in strange ways. All my emotions are stuck in my throat today, and I’m teetering between something that feels like deep depression or an anxiety attack.
To Live In This World... 